Attitude & Mindset

“I heard someone once say that we’re only as sick as our secrets.” -Carrie Fisher’s Wishful Drinking

I have begun reading about Carrie Fisher’s crazy up and down life with delighted interest. After watching all the youtube videos of her I could find starting with the one below, and then reading a slew of articles and interviews I boogied on over to the library for a copy of her totally candid live-and-in-wacky-first-person autobiography Wishful Drinking.

My mother, whom I currently chaperon asks innocently “do you think you are bipolar?” then,
“all the people I’ve heard about being bipolar are really hard to live with.”

She’s so wonderful and seems blithely forgetful of the often emotionally torturous years her and my father have survived in raising me. That or she took a good measure of peace in her office miles away while I raged home alone with my brother. No matter, she has always taken my intensity in stride…as best she can anyway.

Alright…gotta get back to the book. Here’s that vid I was talkin about an excerpt from the amazing documentary hosted by Stephen Fry “The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive”:

By the way, did you notice how I totally posted this out of sequence? Yeah, it’s been a weird…project.

Ever the rebel girl I decided to spend New Years Eve with my very mellow, non-drinking, non-partying parents. There was an odd sense of “rightness” in blowing off the alcohol saturated parties for “family night” at the movies and then microwaveable pot roast dinner at home. Were I to choose the “eve” parties I would find plenty of new and old friends to blithely welcome in 2010 with. But this night…it was just mom and dad and a comfy couch to watch a Cary Grant movie while the fireworks went off outside.

Mom.
Dad.
My cat.

Later on, Anomaly Boy and I cuddling comfortably in his bed and an audio book.

This is my Real life at times.
No pretension.
Little fanfare.
Occasionally quiet.
Plenty loving.
Absolutely Real.

I’m ready for you 2010, bring it on.

photo credits:

I happen to work for a dragon. As one who truly understands myths and fairy tales knows, dragons are not all bad. This one happens to be very good actually. He is just…so large and sometimes I feel so very small. Small only because I feel so diminished by wrestling some very large inner demons.

Something I have taken to heart though was this: the dragon told me today that he thinks this is my last year for feeling this helpless, this over burdened with funk. He could see my trajectory leading me away from helpless and towards power.

He said he was not disappointed in me at all…and that’s a lot coming from a dragon that just happens to be sitting next to a weeping maiden.

It’s really good to not get swallowed up by such an impressive creature.

photo credits:

I just hit a car today. My first vehicle accident. Airbag blew up in my face (they smell awful btw) and reduced me to blubbering tearful girlness. I am okay, other than a slightly stinging lip. God do I feel “extra special stupid” though. I think this tops the cake on stupid for me…

I didn’t even see it coming…like the last time I was hit in the face…

This is what a girl gets for getting perpetually stuck in her head…her stupid spacey head.

At least I still have a head though.